ORLANDO, FL-- After a considerable dip in company stock, suits at Red Lobster headquarters have decided to discontinue their short-lived delivery service. “We took a chance” says Clarence Otis Jr, CEO of the Darden Restaurant chain, “and it didn’t pay off. In fact, it did the opposite.” Many speculate as to why a company held in such high regard would think this to be a money maker. Otis went on to say, “It seems our marketing department got the math wrong on this.” At an emergency shareholder’s meeting, the thought-to-be revenue increasing equation was released:
It was discovered that Otis’ nephew, Stephen Otis was behind the pseudo-genius equation claiming, “Its almost identical to the calculation made for our endless baskets of cheddar biscuits. I just don’t know what went wrong.”
Perhaps the most disheartening display during the assembly was that of store manager #135 Duane Delway out of Tampa Bay, FL. “We just couldn’t keep up. We’d deliver the shrimp and have to turn right back around and go to the same house. My restaurant went from number 6 in the company to being foreclosed in the time of one dinner rush.”
Any notion of a salad bar delivery service will not likely be implemented.