The Marx Brothers
4/5 stars
Oh, those silly Marx Brothers... or as Kady would call them, the Groucho Brothers.
The Groucho Brothers are silly, quick, and witty -- some of the most important things I look for in both a comedian and a friend. Silliness is abound in this movie, which I believe was made in the late 1890s, and the large majority of the jokes work some 200 years after it's release -- a testament to the Groucho Brothers' comedic talents.
My only complaint is that our DVD, which was rented from Netflix, had skipping problems. However, I think it's unfair to hold the film company responsible for a futuristic technology that failed to play it's 250 year old movie. Sure we could have watched 'Animal Crackers' on VHS, the format on which it was originally released some 300 years ago, but we have to keep some semblance of pride -- we're not homeless people, for cripe's sake!
Anyways, my favorite part was when Groucho said that one-liner.
Showgirls (1995)
Elizabeth Berkley, Kyle MacLachlan
0/5 stars
My review can be summed up in six words:
BOOBIES! Bad acting me laugh lot!
In my never-ending quest to see every movie ever made by humans, I just had to see 'Showgirls'. Regarded as one of the worst movies of the past few decades, I will give the producers credit for one thing -- it is technically a movie, seeing as how it has a beginning and an end (Poor ones!). With that one feather in their cap, it is ultimately a horribly overacted, poorly written, and above all else, a poorly directed movie. Even the breasts were in bad form.
Also, for those of you who were expecting this to be a 'Saved By the Bell' spin-off movie, be warned: there are very few references to the popular Saturday morning television show.
The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
Tim Robbins, Morgan Freeman
5/5 stars
If Kady were a movie, she'd be the Shawshank Redemption. This is one of the most beautiful movies I have ever seen with my eyeballs. A fantastic story, amazing acting, excellent camera shots, and shankafied redemption -- probably the best movie ever made by humans (since comedies don't really count, broheim).
When In Rome (1996)
Ashley Olsen, Mary-Kate Olsen
0/5 stars
When In Rome... do as the Olsen twins do! Mary and Kate-Ashley are back in another screwball comedy directed by some guy who's now directing commercials for Red Lobster. My favorite part was when they went to Rome.
Along Came Polly (2004)
Ben Stiller, Jennifer Aniston
0/5 stars
I'm assuming the only reason I saw this was because Kady rented it, because Lord knows I would never choose to see something like this. I don't remember how this ended, so I'm assuming I went upstairs and pouted until it was over.
Lady In the Water (2006)
Paul Giamatti, Bryce Dallas Howard
0/5 stars
The most disappointing movie of 2006. Shyamalan films are known for their twist endings and this movie is no different, the twist here being that we wait an hour and 50 minutes only to find out that nothing ever happens and we lost eight bucks in the process. I read somewhere that even blind people hated this movie.
The Dark Knight (2008)
Christian Bale, Heath Ledger
5/5 stars
This film is, simply put, the apex of human accomplishment. Not only is it the best piece of cinema that was ever created by Earth beings, it is the greatest 'thing' ever, be it inanimate, animate, or Pixar animated.
This film was so magical and wonderful, over the course of the 2 hours and 30 minutes I spent in the theater, the following occurred:
- I had six seizures
- The front half of the theater engaged in a choreographed line dance
- Kady's head exploded in three separate instances
- The man sitting next to me proposed to Kady and I five times
- I soiled four pairs of pants, including the three I brought as back-ups
- I passed out towards the end of the credits and when I woke up two weeks later I had been elected to the Colorado House of Representatives